Undisclosed Desires
by Nonnihil Scelestus
Summary: I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart.


Disclaimer: I don't own Sanctuary or the song "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse.

Author's Note: This is a little out of character, but I like to think it works, so please, no flames, just constructive criticism.

**Undisclosed Desires**

_I know you've suffered_

_But I don't want you to hide_

It was hell watching him struggle. For as long as she'd known him, everything had seemed to come easily to the man. There was no denying his genius. However she'd also been a party to his suffering. She was always the first one he trusted, no matter what it concerned. They had been that way before the change, before the Five, when they were two young students at Oxford. She had been the only woman, he the only Serbian. They had banded together out of mutual loneliness and respect.

And now he was suffering again, like he had so many years before, in silence. He hid himself away, working hard to control his new ability and trying to cope with his newly reacquired mortality. She hated seeing him like he was. She wanted the old him back. She wanted the arrogant, selfish, egotistical, narcissistic, clever, sarcastic Nikola that she knew and loved. She wanted him to be a vampire again just so she would never have to live without him.

She realized she was going to get any more work done while her thoughts were occupied by the genius currently in possession of her lab. She entered cautiously, unsure what havoc he could be wrecking on her space, but all was quiet. She saw him stretched out on one of her tables, eyes closed, fingers drumming on his chest in a contemplative manner.

There was something sinfully delicious about him. He was handsome to be sure and he could be charming, when he chose, but it was something more complex than that. There was something irresistible about the man, something that had been there before they had changed. He was charismatic and brilliant and she very was very much the moth to his flame.

"Helen." He spoke quietly. Even without his vampiric senses, he knew when she was a room, a testament to how long they'd know each other, and how close they had once been, and how close she hoped to be again.

"Nikola." She answered just as softly, coming to stand next to him.

"I think I'll go away for awhile. Back to one of my properties in Serbia until I can master this. It's taking a lot of concentration to hold it all in right now."

"Then I will go with you." She smiled a little of his use of the old term for his home, mentally tagging it as Croatia in the present day.

"No!" He practically shouted, causing some of her instruments to vibrate.

"I will not allow you to hide, Nikola, not from me."

"Please, Helen, I don't want to accidentally hurt you. I can't control this very well. Something would come flying at me and you would get caught in its path."

"I don't care, Nikola. I want to make sure that you're going to be ok. I cant do that if you aren't within my presence." He sighed. She watched him closely, looking for a sign of defeat. She knew that he cared, but the idea of him being on his own when he needed her was unbearable. He would turn back into the cold and loveless person he'd been when the Five broke apart the first time. She didn't want that, not again. She wouldn't let him deny himself company for the sake of keeping her safe.

_It's cold and loveless_

_I wont let you be denied._

She reached out and ran her fingers through his thick, wild hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, much like she had so many years before when he needed soothing. He would lay his head in her lap for hours while her fingers roamed through his hair. She stepped closer, until his forehead rested on her stomach and made another pass through his hair with her fingers. He sighed softly, and with some small measure of contentment. He took a moment to relax into her embrace, noting absently that his new ability didn't manifest itself in this particular state.

"I don't suppose you'll take no for an answer will you?" He asked a moment later. "You'll track me down if I leave without telling you, wont you?" He looked up at her. She nodded with a small smirk playing at her lips, something she'd obviously picked up from him. "I still want to get away from the Sanctuary. I'm tired of Tiny Tim complaining every time I accidently fry something. I'm still worried I'll hurt you."

"Nikola, trust me. I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you right now." He nodded and turned his face back into her. She held him tighter, running her fingers through his hair again and again.

_Soothing_

_I'll make you feel pure_

_Trust me_

_You can be sure_

They left a few days later for Croatia and his small estate outside of his hometown. When they arrived, Nikola avoided anything and everything associated with his name, the statue of him especially. He hated it with a passion. They moved into his home quickly. Helen brushed through a map of places she'd been in her mind, trying to pinpoint if she'd ever been there before. The estate had running water, but no electricity, which was probably why Nikola had chosen this particular property. He showed her to a comfortable room and then wandered off. She unpacked her things and wandered a bit before she heard loud cursing coming from a sublevel of the manor. She followed his voice down some stairs and found him throwing objects, mostly glass and wood, as the metal objects were inching closer to him.

Nikola swore again, mostly in his native tongue, something she hadn't heard him utter in many years. She'd always loved the way his native language had sounded, especially coming from him. It made everything seem exotic and bold.

"Nikola." She said his name softly, like a sigh over his burst of violence. He whirled to face her, anger still in his eyes. She regarded him coolly, waiting for him to calm. He was so beautiful, but held such darkness in him. She wanted to lighten him. He calmed slightly, the metal objects in the room halting their movement. She approached him, embracing him warmly. He let his head drop to her shoulder. "Its ok, Nikola. You'll master this." Her words of comfort were sure. He tried to believe her, but this was nothing like his transformation before. That had been easy by comparison because one moment he was human, and the next he was vampire. This new ability was altogether different. He desired to be like he was. He'd even mend his ways and stop world domination if he could only be like he was before. He turned his thoughts back to Helen, soaking in her calming presence.

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart_

_I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask_

_I want to exorcise the demons from your past_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._

Helen led him up into the manor, keeping hold of his hand. She tried to figure out what else she could do to help him. She'd tried source blood on him and it hadn't worked. He'd been de-vamped permanently. She tried to use the blood from the girl he'd changed and that hadn't worked either. The only thing she hadn't tried was her own blood. She looked up at him sharply, coming to a stop outside of the library.

"Nikola, what about my blood? Do you think that would change you in anyway?" He pondered the thought for a moment, and then shrugged. "You obviously have some abnormal ability to begin with. We should test it." He nodded, unusually silent. He was just desperate enough to try anything. Helen dashed up the stairs and into her room. She snatched up her medical case and rejoined him downstairs. He gestured to the library and she smiled at the irony. It seemed all the transformations they'd gone through or discovered happened in a library of some sort.

"We should test this first, on a sample of your blood before actually injecting you…"

"Helen, just do it." He said impatiently. She studied him for a moment before nodding. She took out a syringe and deftly inserted it into her vein, drawing the plunger back until it was full. She withdrew it and Nikola placed a piece of gauze over the small wound. She nodded her thanks and he held out his arm for her to inject him.

"Are you sure?" She asked one last time.

"Yes." She inserted the needle into his vein and depressed the plunger until it was empty, removed it and sat back to see what would happen. Nikola tensed for a moment and gasped. She took his hand and held it tightly. She watched his eyes. They dilated suddenly then contracted to pinpricks. He pulled from her grasp and she watched as his eyes turned black. It wasn't quite the same as when he'd been a vampire and his entire eye had turned black. This time just his iris turned. His canine teeth became slightly sharper and his nails as well. It wasn't a full transformation, but enough of one. He reverted a moment later.

"Helen!" The joy in his voice was evident. "I'm me again."

"Not quite Nikola, but close enough." She smiled at him, pulling him into her embrace. He pulled back a moment later and looked around for something metallic. He found an old spyglass and used his ability to lift it and set it down again. He turned away from it and focused on her again.

"That took nothing, barely a thought. It seems the vampiric parts of me control my abilities so I'm always in control of myself. Then he did something unexpected. He snatched her up and swung her around before setting her on her feet once more and kissing her soundly. It took her a moment to recover from her shock and return his kiss.

Nikola started to back away, pulling her with him, their lips never quite leaving each other. He led her up the stairs and into her bedroom, pulling her into his embrace again, resuming the kiss they'd postponed due to navigating the stairs.

Helen, in her innermost thoughts wondered about his lovers before her, but his wicked tongue danced along her neck and his teeth nibbled on her neck in a divine sensation that distracted her. He was sinful, in everything it seemed. She smiled to herself over that thought before he distracted her again by claiming her lips. But she'd known the innocent Nikola, and that was hers.

They peeled each other out of their clothes and his gaze raked over her naked form with a devilish glance before laying her back on the bed and making love to her, his intensity so characteristic of the man.

_You trick your lovers_

_That you're wicked and divine_

_You may be a sinner_

_But your innocence is mine._

When they lay sated, curled around each other, she was so pleased with the turn of events. She'd known he'd loved her. It had been obvious when they'd been in Rome, despite his efforts on her life. She'd always loved him, but it took the fear of really and truly losing him to make her see what she'd been missing. He'd shown her, had been showing her since they'd first met, how he felt. She'd just been too blind to see. He was the one.

"Nikola?"

"Hmmm?" He was almost asleep in her warm embrace.

"You are the undisclosed desire of my heart." He pressed a kiss to her shoulder in answer to her statement. "I love you, Nikola. I'm sorry it took me so long to see it." This woke him a little and he looked at her.

"I love you too, Helen, and now we have eternity." He kissed her lips one more time before settling her more firmly into his embrace. They fell asleep in comfort and when they woke the whole of the world and time lay at their feet.

_Please me _

_Show me how it's done_

_Trust me_

_You are the one_

_I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._


End file.
